Copenhagen Variations
by Michael Gomez
Environmental risks, lexical missteps, bad spelling and worse puns
The week of December 7, 2009, negotiators meet in Copenhagen to develop international agreements on climate change action. As with previous meetings, there are several variations on the theme.
- Bopenhagen - a bee-bop, a dee-bop, a whop bam boo
- Copenhagen - the original - what we do in times of stress
- Dopenhagen - what the negotiations will be called if talks fail to produce anything meaningful
- E-I-Openhagen - meeting of farmers named Old MacDonald, discussing cow emissions
- Fopenhagen - meeting of people wearing frilly shirts and velvet jackets
- Gropenhagen - what we will be doing in the dark when sea levels rise 300 feet
- Hopenhagen - Pollyanna’s perennially perky perspective
- Jopenhagen - Spanish spelling of Hopenhagen
- Kopenhagen - from the marketeer’s lexicon - see Copenhagen
- Lopenhagen - a form of perambulation from the Ministry of Silly Walks
- Mopenhagen - where climate change activists will be if the negotiators produce nothing meaningful
- Nopenhagen - what conservatives think of climate change, conservation and cooperation
- Oopsenhagen - oops
- Popenhagen - meeting of the world’s Popes to discuss the impact of climate change on birth control
- Qopenhagen - hopeless misspelling of Kopenhagen, used by marketeers, dyslexics; pick take your
- Ropenhagen - something of which we might give enough to unsuccessful negotiators
- Slopenhagen - it’s a slippery Slopenhagen
- Soapenhagen - climate change soap - use it to clean up dirty coal, oil spills and talk radio
- Taupenhagen - that was so 80’s
- Uopenhagen - meeting of Dipthong Enthusiasts Association - see Wopenhagen
- Wopenhagen - what Ewmew Fudd cawws wope - see Wopenhagen
- Xopenhagen - Cyrillic spelling of Copenhagen
- Yopenhagen - I got nothin
- Zopenhagen - unfulfilled potential just waiting for you - licensing deals available - call today
